I'm Low on Gas and You Need a Jacket
by hereiamdestroya
Summary: Kendall can't hold down a relationship & best friend and room-mate Logan keeps telling him to go for someone more like him - a dreamer. So what happens when their new neighbours move in and Kendall finally finds someone he wants to stick around for? Can James find the support he so desperately would like in the nice but cocky blonde? Or will he find more. Rated M for later chapters
1. Try to wash u down with something strong

"Look, all I'm saying is, why don't you date guys that you actually have stuff in common with?" Logan asked his tall blonde flatmate as they carried shopping bags up to the second floor of their apartment block. "What about that musician that lives on the fourth floor?"

"The guy with the mullet? Are you crazy?" Kendall asked dropping the bags on the ground in front of their flat while he tried to find his key. "I wasn't even born in the 80s and I think he's still living in them".

"Fine. But you know what I mean. Date someone who shares similar interests…" Logan spoke but Kendall was preoccupied by the amount of card boxes that were taking up the apartment opposite them. It had been empty for a couple of weeks but now the door was wide open, with pop music blaring from inside.

"Newbies." Logan said just before a young Latino man walked to the door, a plant pot in his hands.

"Hey there!" The man smiled widely, resting the plant on the floor. "I'm Carlos, you must be our neighbours." He extended a hand.

"I'm Logan" The brunette smiled back, shaking his hand. "And this is Kendall. Nice to meet you, man". The blonde followed suit.

"Great to meet you too." Carlos grinned. "Hey, we're having a new house party later on tonight. You're more than welcome to come over, bring your girlfriends, boyfriends, whatever. It'd be great to be friends."

"Thanks. Yeah, for sure. Did you say 'we'?" Logan asked curiously.

"Yeah, my flatmate James is just driving the rest of his stuff over. I'm pretty sure we have too much already…" Carlos laughed, looking at the boxes in the hallway. "But he's a hoarder."

"Where have you guys come from?" Kendall asked out of interest.

"We're both from San Diego but LA's just a great place." Carlos told him.

"Awesome. Well, we'll let you get on." Kendall smiled and his eye was caught by a baby grow that rested on the edge of one of the boxes. Did they have kids? Oh god, Kendall thought. The last thing he wanted was neighbours with loads of noisy kids running around.

"Sure. Catch you later!" The Latino grinned once again as the two of them paced into their apartment.

Logan and Kendall couldn't have been any more different really but they had been best friends since they'd met in pre-school. Logan was rational and wanted the entire apartment to be cleanly and tidy at all times whilst Kendall was the messiest person in the world. The two of them constantly argued but they never fell out. Logan's long-time girlfriend Camille came over a lot and definitely kept the 20 year olds in order. She was an aspiring actress and it showed. She was flamboyant but honestly one of Kendall's best friends too. The three of them were in it together.

"He seemed nice." Logan said as they started to pack the food away in the kitchen. "And he's a musician…I saw a keyboard case amongst all that mess."

Kendall hadn't even noticed; he'd been too pre-occupied by the thought of babies crying at all hours of the night when he would want to sleep. "Why don't you put on your best outfit tonight and try to work him out?" Logan smirked.

"For that comment, you can put the rest of the shopping away by yourself" Kendall smirked right back but threw the box of oranges he was holding down and sauntered across the living room and down the corridor to his bedroom. The blonde's guitars were lined up next to each other but he grabbed the one closest to him, an acoustic and laid down on his bed.

He strummed away, thinking about Logan's comments. Maybe he was dating the wrong type of guys. The last man he'd dated had been a twenty seven year old accountant and they had had nothing in common at all. God, the guy didn't even know who Incubus was. It would never have worked. Ok, maybe someone more like him but the Latino wasn't really his type and he didn't even know if he was gay. No. Finding someone wasn't his main purpose in life. He didn't need anybody.

LINE

When James finally arrived back to his new apartment, the door was wide open but there were only a couple of boxes left outside compared to how many there were earlier. The tall brunette paced in carrying his painting easel and left it by the door as he looked up to see Carlos standing over a punch bowl. The smaller guy was only in sweats and had fruit and alcohol all over the place.

"We're having a party tonight!" Carlos grinned. "I've invited everyone including our new neighbours across the hall".

"Oh, you met them?" James asked, taking a seat at the island table and grabbing an orange.

"Yeah, yeah. Two guys, they seem nice. I don't think they're together though. But one of them was just your type." Carlos raised an eyebrow and James has seen that look too many times from his best friend. Truthfully though, he really didn't need to be crushing over anyone. He had so much to do.

"I don't have a type!" The brunette sighed as he peeled the fruit, ignoring his friend's eye.

"Yes, you do. You definitely do. You like blonds, skinny blonds." Carlos told him, grabbing the orange he needed out of the man's hand.

"I don't have a type." James said again but he did have a particular liking for blond guys, it had to be said.

Carlos stopped laughing, his expression suddenly quieter. "Did you see Lindsey and the girls? How are they?"

James grimaced. He'd been going to his sister's house nearly every day for the past four months to check she was eating properly and looking after herself and his nieces. Ever since his brother-in-law had been in a car crash and had passed away. Lindsey had lost her love, the girls had lost their father and James had lost one of his best friends. James had been best man at their wedding; he'd watched the pair of them when they were children and when they had had children of their own. But now, his older sister was a ghost and he tried to do as much as he could, having the girls over a lot and taking care of them but there was so much pain hanging over them. He'd promised as soon as he and Carlos had gotten settled in their new place, things would go back to normal and James would help out just the same. Ever since James and Lindsey's parents had divorced when they were kids, the two Diamond kids had always stuck together.

"Same as usual. The girls are coming over tomorrow if that's all good?" James asked. Carlos always told him he didn't need to ask. He loved those little kids and his heart went out for them.

"Of course." Carlos tried to smile. "Why don't you go put the rest of your stuff away and come be my guinea pig for this punch. I think you're gonna love it".


	2. Dry but the taste of blood remains

**Hey guys, cheers for all the support on the last/first chapter. Hope you enjoy this! Let me know what you think! ~hereiamdestroya**

James looked at himself in the mirror. Six months ago he was the vainest person ever. He cared only about himself. Of course, he cared about his sister and brother-in-law and the girls but he really was only interested in himself, in his looks, in trying to make money, in trying to get attention. Things had changed so quickly, he barely recognized himself. He'd grown up a lot. He was nearly twenty one, but looking in the mirror, even dressed in a smart white shirt and dark jeans, the stubble on his face and his tired eyes made him look so much older.

He was happy him and Carlos had moved to Los Angeles finally. They had spoken about it ever since they were teenagers and with Lindsey living in Long Beach, it was so much easier to be closer to them.

Although he really didn't feel like partying, he was glad Carlos was having fun. It had been a stressful time for him too and James was glad he was enjoying himself when he could. He was fantastic with James' nieces and he couldn't ask for a better best friend really.

He did the top button up and pushed back his hair a little, thinking of how he needed to get it cut soon, and paced out of the bathroom and down the hallway into the open kitchen and lounge area.

The apartment looked great now that most of their stuff had been set up or hidden away until they could find a place for it tomorrow. Carlos had made the place look warm and the entire kitchen island table was covered in snack foods and drink.

"It all looks great!" James tried to smile as he saw Carlos grab a bottle of beer out the fridge. He just smiled and threw a bottle across to his friend. He wore just a black shirt and skinny jeans, barefooted.

"People will be here soon!" The Latino smiled. And as if on cue, the doorbell rang.

James could do this – he could be happy for one night. For Carlos' sake.

LINE

"Kendall, get the fuck out of the bathroom please!" Logan shouted through the wooden door. "It's half eight already and you've been hogging it for an hour!"

"It is a process, to get me looking this fantastic, ok." Kendall grunted as he exited the bathroom in just a towel around his hips, showing off his lean frame and the v shape of his lower body. The brunette pushed past him and shut the door.

"Loverboy's snappy tonight!" Kendall half laughed as he sat down beside Camille on the sofa who looked stunning in a white summer dress, her long brown curls hanging down her back.

"Hey, he's been studying all day." Camille smiled sadly, she was always looking out for him. "Don't be too harsh on him".

Kendall sighed. He knew Logan was working his ass off at college to get his degree in Medicine at the same time as working crazy shifts in a local bar. The brunette was the smartest kid Kendall knew and he was exhausted most of the time. Kendall really should give him a break.

"I know" Kendall sighed. "How was your audition?"

"I think it went well! They told me I'd hear from them within the next couple of days so we'll have to wait and see." She told him. Camille had auditioned for a kids tv show about some boyband. Kendall wasn't that interested really, but he would always listen to Camille when she told him stuff. He loved the girl really, and he loved her and Logan.

Despite how different they were, the two brunettes were sickingly in love. If Kendall didn't know any better they'd be married within the next few years. He could see it in every exchange between them. Logan would go to the ends of the earth for that girl, and she would do no less for him.

Kendall didn't know how they did it, how they kept being so…good for each other. He didn't think it was possible, for him at least to ever have a relationship like that with anyone. Maybe that was why he had stopped searching for it.

"That is how a shower should be taken. 5 to 10 minutes max" Logan muttered as he came out of the bathroom, in just his clean underwear. It was nothing unusual. The three of them were pretty comfortable with each other that underwear was no big deal. Logan and Camille definitely had eyes only for each other and Kendall was definitely gay and would never get with his best friend, ever.

Kendall got up before he even had a chance to see Camille's eyes look the brunette man up and down. That was his cue to leave the lovebirds.

"I'm going to get ready…" Kendall left them to look at each other while he sauntered to his room and threw on skinny jeans and a navy button down shirt. He'd left the door open and his eye caught a glance of the two brunettes kissing; softly, as if they had all the time in the world.

No, Kendall would never have a relationship like that.

LINE

"Ok, let's just go for a bit and then we can leave and order in pizza ok" Kendall told Camille and Logan as the three of them stood waiting for the door across the hall to open. When it did, they were welcomed by Carlos and introduced Camille accordingly. He ushered them in and the place was busy. They'd never been into this flat but it looked great and there was a balcony area through sliding doors over the back which Logan and Kendall's apartment also had. Only one person stood outside but Kendall couldn't really see them, just a shape.

Carlos introduced them to his friends and offered them all drinks, a huge smile on his face. Kendall didn't think he'd ever seen someone so bubbly. He took a cup of the fruity punch Carlos offered and asked if he was ok to smoke out on the balcony. The brunette motioned him across the room and Kendall was quick to duck pass the mullet guy from the fourth floor who stood dancing with a girl. He guessed they'd invited the whole building.

Once Kendall was out on the balcony, he closed the door behind him, shutting out the loud music to being just a dull vibration. He pulled out a cigarette and put it in his mouth, about to light it when his gaze was caught by the man across from him.

Kendall almost dropped the cigarette. He was looking at the most beautiful man he'd ever seen. Tall, brown haired with a strong lean frame. His hazel eyes were shiny with the reflections of the city in them. God, he was stunning. Tired looking, but stunning. And who wasn't tired in this city?

"Hey…" Kendall laughed. "Do you want one?"

The brunette smiled but shook his head, "No. Thanks though…" He looked at the blonde once more before turning to the view, resting his arms on the railing. "Are you…a friend of Carlos'?" He asked curiously, without trying to be rude.

"Kind of" Kendall answered, lighting up and taking a drag. "Are you?"

The boy laughed slightly, "Yeah…How's the punch?"

Kendall held the cigarette and took a mouthful of the substance, wincing as he swallowed it. "Fuckin' strong." He laughed, but it really was going straight to his head already. God, what had they put in this thing?

The brunette just laughed, flicking a glance back to the blonde. Kendall had never felt awkward around anyone really, he knew he could always get what he wanted, but there was something about this guy that he just couldn't put his finger on. It was making him feel weird. And it wasn't just the alcohol.

"Let me guess, you're a model." Kendall took a drag and looked over the man, trying to diffuse the awkwardness he was feeling. The brunette smiled slightly but shook his head. "A dancer?" The brunette laughed hard now, but shook his head again.

Kendall moved closer to him, so their arms nearly touched. "Are you a 'late night actor'?"

At that, the brunette clasped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing. "No" He sniggered almost. "I'm definitely not".

The pair of them grinned and Kendall took another sip of the punch, in spite of its kick. Looked like he was getting drunk again. It was a Friday. Logan couldn't really have a go at him unless Kendall threw up in his room again like the last time.

"Are you having a good night?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah, it's going ok thanks. Are you?" The brunette asked back. It really did seem like his mind was somewhere else and Kendall kind of took offence to it. He could clearly tell that James was at least bi-sexual if not gay and he wasn't even trying to come onto him. What was wrong with the kid? Kendall drank until the cup was dry and left it on the floor, aiming to pick it up again later.

"It's ok so far." Kendall told him. The brunette turned to face Kendall for the first proper time and looked him over for a second. Not obtrusively and he pretended he was look past him but no, now, just as Kendall wanted, he was looking at him. "I know something that could make it better though…"

Kendall didn't know whether to be embarrassed but if the brunette wasn't going to do anything about it, he'd have to take matters into his own hands. Without a word, Kendall smashed his lips into the taller man's. He'd only been there for five minutes but Kendall didn't care. This is what everyone expected him to be like. It was how he'd always been.

The brunette wasn't pulling away. He was shell-shocked but he couldn't stop this blonde man. But he did, eventually. He stood back a little, surprise evident on his face and saw the blond smile a grin. He had no idea what just happened.

"James, I need your help-" Carlos' voice was followed by the loud music as the door slid open. The two men looked at the Latino who was looking shocked to say the least. "I-"

"I'm just coming." James looked briefly at the blond, his expression unidentifiable, before he followed the Latino out, leaving Kendall alone to look over the city.

James. _James_. Their new neighbour – James. _Oh god_.


	3. Cold, empty mattresses and falling stars

**Hiya, thanks for all the comments and for the reviews particularly from **_deb24_** and **_RUSHERMAHOMIE9096_**. Hope you're enjoying it! Let me know what you're liking Thanks! ~hereiamdestroya**

"Where the hell did Kendall get to?" Logan asked Camille as they finished off their drinks. It was half 12 and they'd briefly met their other neighbour James but he'd had to take a call and they didn't see him for the rest of the right. He seemed nice enough, as did all of their friends, but Kendall must have left with someone as he hadn't come back to find the couple.

"I have no idea…do you want to go back to yours?" Camille asked, a small smile playing on her lips. Logan looked amazing tonight, as he always did and Camille was having a hard time keeping her hands off him. She loved him more than anything. More than acting. More than this city. More than _anything_.

"Yeah, let's go…he'll come home eventually." Logan agreed. They said thanks to Carlos and told him they'd probably see him tomorrow and to say bye to James where ever he'd gotten to before heading out and across the corridor.

The apartment was in near darkness how they'd left it, apart from the little lamp on the kitchen island table which was on. Logan held his arms around his love, leading her gently to the sofa where he fell down easily and rested Camille in his arms. He kissed her softly. So softly, as if she might break. God, he was so in love with her.

She looked incredible tonight and her perfume was so enticing, he didn't want to let her go. She kissed his neck, and turned her body around to face him so she could lean up easier. "I love you." She whispered.

He kissed her mouth hotly now, murmuring his love for her against her skin. His hands wanted to be all over her soft body. She crawled up into his lap and rested a leg on each side of his thighs, wrapping her palms around his neck, her lips attached to his.

She smiled even as she kissed him, feeling the apparent tightness of his jeans. She grinded her hips a little and he moaned.

"You're so beautiful." He whimpered. Camille kissed him like she was born to do just that. There was no space between them as he pulled her even closer, her skin hot on his even through their clothing.

Logan moaned loudly when she grinded down on him again and before they could stop what they were doing Kendall appeared at the end of the sofa.

"Kendall!-" "Dude!-" The pair of them shouted in sync as Camille climbed off him and fell into the seat next to him.

"Really? The fucking sofa! You guys-" Kendall moaned, arms folded over.

"What's up?" Camille caught her breath and asked.

"I kissed our new next door neighbour." Kendall muttered, not knowing what to do.

"I told you you'd get with Carlos but you didn't listen to me!" Logan almost laughed but his eyes were still glazed over with love and lust for the girl next to him.

"Not him, you moron! James. Fucking _James_." Kendall cawed. Oh god, what had he done.

The two brunettes shared the same expression of amusement but also surprise, and a bit of annoyance about being…interrupted.

"Dude, can we talk about this tomorrow?" Logan tried to ask as politely as he could, even though he was still looking at Camille.

"Ugh, fine. You guys go fuck. Have fun." Kendall shooed them away to Logan's bedroom and they couldn't close the door behind them fast enough.

The blonde grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels from the kitchen and poured himself a tumbler of it before falling back down onto the sofa. Why was he worrying? He'd kissed plenty of guys and girls too actually without knowing who they were…

But this was different. This was their bloody neighbour. He'd have to see him every day when he'd have to put the rubbish out or collect the post. He drank the whiskey and poured another.

At least James was hot - more than hot. He was incredibly attractive and Kendall just wanted to kiss him again – if he wasn't their neighbour of course. Stupid, stupid Kendall. He needed to get fucked, even if he was on his own.

When he finally fell into a stupor, he had the same dream he'd been having for nearly three years on and off…

"_Listen to me. We are getting wasted tonight ok" Nate told Kendall as they laid down on the floor of Nate's room, surrounded by bottles of alcohol. They were 17, Logan couldn't stay over that night with them – he wanted to study the next day and didn't want to do so with a hangover. So it was just the two of them. _

_They weren't official, but Kendall was pretty sure he might wake up with a boyfriend the next day. Him and Nate had been kind of seeing each other for a few months, having been close friends for years. They had kissed and done some stuff, but yeah, they weren't official yet. _

_The boys would often get together and drink. Nate would always be the most drunk – always. He was a laugh. And Kendall was pretty much in love with him. He'd not told the light blonde haired boy that, but he was. He cared so much for him. He'd do anything for that boy. _

_They had gotten drunk, like usual. Just before Kendall passed out, Nate made him look at him, even in his drunken state; he still looked earnestly at Kendall, his eyes wide. _

"_You're going to have a good life, you know that" The light blonde smiled sadly. "I'm gonna be right there with you."_

_Kendall smiled and kissed the blonde, softly. He passed out soon after…_

…_At half 10, Kendall woke up. The house was dead quiet with Nate's parents on holiday and his older siblings out for the last night too._

_When he looked around the room, he saw him, Nate, lying face down on the floor, in a puddle of his own vomit, his eyes wide open and glazed and bottles of pills lying beside him-_

Kendall woke up already having a panic attack. It was nothing he wasn't used to. After ten minutes or so, he managed to pull himself up and out of bed and went down the hall and out on to their own balcony. It was half three and freezing but he lit up a cigarette anyway and smoked the night away, knowing he'd get no sleep that night.

LINE

James had woken up bright and early the next day and started the drive down to Long Beach a little after 10. He had no headache from last night – he'd not drunk much – but his thoughts were pounding with the image of the guy he'd kissed last night. What was he _doing_?

Of course, he – Kendall - was stunningly attractive but that didn't mean he wanted to kiss him or that it was the right thing to do – though he didn't exactly stop him. He had kissed him back he supposed.

It was probably just because he hadn't been kissed in a while.

Ugh, whatever. As he sped along the streets his mind kept coming back to the blonde no matter how much he didn't want it to. When he finally pulled up at his sister's house, he was glad to be occupied by something else until he remembered the pain of this house.

Lindsey opened the door and hugged her brother. They were the spitting image of each other and their mother Brooke, but Lindsey was shorter than James by a lot. She had always been pretty.

"How are you doing?" James asked. He never knew how she would be particularly feeling. Some days she could manage to say she was ok, but most days she cried, and did her best to hide the tears from her daughters.

"Fine." She said quietly, looking up at her younger brother. "How was your house party?"

"It was ok" He told her.

"Good" She tried her best to smile but it was such a sad smile it broke his heart. "I'll get the girls. They're almost ready."

"Are you sure you don't want to come over today Linds? You'll love the new apartment." James told her. He was always trying to get her to come out, to get some fresh air but she rarely wanted to. He didn't know how to help her.

"Maybe another day…" She told him apologetically before going down the hallway. James followed her in and waited in the living room, coming face to face with a picture of the five of them – Lindsey, her late husband Johnny, the two girls when they were much younger and himself.

Things were never going to be the same again.

LINE

James had taken the girls to the beach for the day. He'd kept his eyes on little four year old Scarlett who played happily in the sand in a pink bathing suit whilst he held one year old Zoey in his arms. They were the most precious things in his life. Scarlett asked nearly every day when her daddy was coming back, no matter how many times Lindsey and James had tried to explain. James was glad he could give the girls' days like this, where they weren't living under a roof of so much pain. He was glad he could make them happy for a while.

"Uncle James!" Scarlett sang as she came and sat back down next to James and the baby and held Zoey's hand. "Zoey told me she wants ice cream". The small brunette girl laughed as did her baby sister who babbled really.

"Did she now?" James laughed too. "I'll tell you what, why don't we put your dress back on, and we can get Uncle Carlos to make some pancakes _and_ ice cream. How does that sound?"

Scarlett clapped her hands with excitement before doing as James said and put her dress back on overtop of her suit. She picked up her bucket and spade as James secured Zoey back in the car seat he'd carried onto the beach. He rolled up the blanket and threw it in the bag over his shoulder before taking hold of Scarlett's hand and holding a firm grip of Zoey.

"Can we take some pancakes home?!" Scarlett asked in her sweet voice that James didn't think he could ever deny.

"Mummy doesn't like pancakes, sweetheart." James smiled down at her as they made their way up the beach and to the car park across the road.

"For daddy, silly!" She laughed.

James couldn't say anything, his heart would break again. He strapped Zoey in first and then Scarlett and drove the short ride back to their apartment. One day at a time, that's how he had to deal with everything. One day at a time.


	4. My, how they start to look the same

**Thank you for all your reviews and responses to this story! Hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think please! And what you like. Cheers ~ hereiamdestroya**

Once Carlos had made the girls' food James had put them to bed in his room, letting Scarlett sleep in his bed and laying Zoey down in a fold up cot. Zoey had fallen pretty much fast asleep after a busy but Scarlett was still awake, chattering away to her Uncle. It was gone six by now and he was surprised she was still so energised.

"Go to sleep Scar, we'll do something fun in the morning" James smiled as he gently tucked the small girl into the large bed.

"But I'm not tired!" she told him, with all the Diamond sass of her mother…before everything of course. She was the spitting image of Lindsey.

"You must be Scarlett!" James sat down on the side of the bed, a hand caressing the little brunette's hair.

"Sing sing sing!" She grinned up at her Uncle and he could only comply.

"_Wait…a minute…before you tell me anything, how was your day?" _He had sung the random words to her so many times before, ones that had just come off the top of his head. She closed her eyes. "_Because I've been missing…you by my side…"_

He sung a few more lines until the girl's breathing evened out and he knew she'd fallen asleep. Quietly, James crept out of the room and down the hallway to the living room, where Carlos lounged easily watching tv. He wore a smirk as James sat down next to him.

"So…when are we going to talk about last night then?" The Latino laughed.

"Oh god, don't." James sighed.

"Hey hey, what did I say? Didn't I tell you he was your type?! And how was it? Did you get his number?" Carlos laughed but he really was interested on what the hell going on last night when he interrupted James and their hot blonde next door neighbour.

"Look, he kissed me ok, that was it. Totally was not prepared. I didn't even know who he was!" James defended himself. He really hadn't known that the most attractive man he'd ever seen – other than himself of course – was their next door neighbour. He didn't really care as long as he never had to talk to the guy again.

"Ok bro, ok." Carlos chuckled. It had been a good night overall. They'd met their other neighbour Logan and his girlfriend and they both seemed really cool. They all seemed about the same age which was good. It'd be nice if they made some good friends in L.A.

"Did the girls get to sleep ok?" Carlos asked changing the topic.

"Eventually. You know what Scarlett's like, she's a live wire" James smiled fondly. Carlos grinned in agreement. He still remembered when he'd been at hanging at James' house when they were sixteen and Lindsey had rushed over to the family house from her house in Long Beach and had told Brooke and James she was pregnant with Scarlett. Everyone had been so happy then. But now it was hard to think of the happiness when there was so much pain for all of them.

"You going out tonight?" James asked, grabbing the controller and switching it to the baseball game.

"I don't know. Turns out Number 12 upstairs owns a bunch of bars across town and he invited us both out to one tonight but I told him we've got the girls…" Carlos told him.

"Dude, you should totally go" James instructed him. "I'm completely fine with the girls and this is a perfect opportunity to check out the competitors!" Carlos nodded. Carlos had been saving up every dime he earned to one day be able to start up his own restaurant bar but it was slow going and he really didn't have the money yet. But James was right. He should check out others.

"Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Los, don't be stupid. Go get ready!" James pushed his friend until he got up off the couch and grinned as he went down the hall to his room.

A quiet night in was all James needed after last night. He'd put a film on, check the girls were sleeping ok and make some dinner. He just needed some quiet.

LINE

"No, no don't go to work! Stay in and watch CSI with me!" Kendall cawed as he grabbed Logan's leg from the sofa. He'd finally managed to sleep and once he had, he didn't wake up until the late afternoon, having collapsed onto the sofa. He should've gotten up and been productive – written some songs or something but he just didn't have the energy. He often had days like this.

"Let me go man. You'll crease me up" Logan laughed as he flounced out of the boy's grip and patted down his white shirt and black trousers. He wanted nothing more than to do as Kendall had said but he needed this job and couldn't afford to lose it. It was a nice bar too so he couldn't complain about it. He just had to get on with it. "Record the episode for me, ok. I gotta go."

"You're no fun!" Kendall called as Logan left the apartment in a hurry.

Fine, Kendall thought. He didn't need anyone. He picked himself up and wandered over to the outside balcony, lighting up a cigarette and looking over the setting sun. Logan hated the fact that he smoked but it was one addiction he couldn't quit, though he tried to smoke outside at least, so as not to bother the health freak.

He heard the door open and expected to see Logan forgetting something but was happily surprised by seeing Camille. He stamped out the cigarette and wandered back inside.

"Hey!" She smiled widely. "Nice to see you awake. You weren't went I left at lunch." She laughed.

"Hey you" He hugged her easily and smiled. "Whatcha doing back so soon? You know Loverboy's at work."

"I know. I came to see you! Thought we could hang out…order some take-out? Have some wine if you're feeling up to it?" Camille grinned, pulling a bottle out of her bag.

Kendall just smiled. This girl knew him better than he knew himself.

LINE

"I should just go over there…and talk to him!" Kendall slurred his words as him and Camille sat on the floor of the apartment with the tv on and wine and Chinese food in front of them. It was entirely possible that Kendall was tipsy but Camille was fairly sober surprisingly.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Camille asked, leaning her head back on the sofa. "I mean, are you going to like, apologise?"

"I don't know…I guess. I just need to see him and…clear the air" Kendal told her, sipping another mouthful of wine.

"I need the bathroom. Don't steal my spring rolls when I'm gone! I know what you're like." Camille paced down the hallway and to the bathroom and before Kendall could talk himself out of it, he had gotten up and was making his way out of the front door and across the hall.

James heard the loud knock on the door and was surprised. It was only half ten and if he knew Carlos, the guy would be out until the early hours for sure. He got up from the sofa, in just his sweatpants and a tight black vest and opened the door to see something he definitely wasn't expecting.

LINE

Kendall stood in his clothes from last night, hands in his pockets and cheeks a little pink on the threshold.

"Hey" The blonde started. "I just wanted to…say sorry? Yeah, sorry…about last night…"

"About kissing me?" James asked. He had to admit he was pretty flustered right now seeing the man again, whether or not he showed it. Kendall said nothing for a moment, just stood thinking, looking into the other man's hazel brown eyes.

"You didn't stop me…in fact, you kissed me back…" Kendall exclaimed.

The two men were interrupted by a quiet voice. "Uncle James?"

Kendall looked over James shoulder to see a little girl who couldn't have been more than four in her pyjamas, looking up at the pair of them. She looked so sweet. Her long hair up in tufts.

"Scarlett, go back to bed please" James told her before snapping his head back around to Kendall and saying sternly "Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

Scarlett ran up to the two men and wrapped her body around James' leg, looking up at the blonde. "What's your name?" She asked.

Kendal knelt down to her level so his eye line matched hers. He'd never liked kids but she was the cutest little thing he ever saw. He extended a hand. "I'm Kendall" The blonde smiled as she shook it with a huge grin on her face.

"Scarlett, it's very late" James said picking the small girl up in his muscular arms. "We'll talk tomorrow, ok." His eyes begged for Kendall not to cause a fuss and the blond did as he wished.

"Nice to meet you, Scarlett." Kendall grinned at the girl before James closed the door on him.

LINE

Logan sighed as he poured the last set of drinks of the night. It was just gone two and his shift was literally over - he could go home hopefully to his beautiful girlfriend and not just his hung over flatmate. He loved Kendall like a brother but the guy needed some motivation for life, for anything.

He gave the group of girls their drinks and darted out from behind the bar and to the staff room, signing out on the electronic card swiper and said bye to the last few people milling about. He threw his jacket on and made his way out of the hectic building.

The first person he saw when he felt the fresh air outside was, to his surprise, Carlos. The Latino man stood in a group of guys, talking loudly. But when Carlos spotted his next door neighbour, he excused himself.

"Hey man, how's it going?" Carlos grinned as he shook Logan's hand. "You work here?" He pointed up at the bar.

"Hey! Yeah, just part time. Pays the bills. Sampling the nightlife?" Logan laughed looking at how sharply dressed the man was.

"Sort of. Hey, are you going back to the apartments?" Carlos asked.

Logan nodded. "Yeah, just going to hail down a cab. Do you want to share?"

"Great idea! I'll just say bye to these guys…" Carlos went back to his group and said a few words before shaking all of their hands and returning to Logan.

They managed to get a cab quickly and Logan relaxed back tiredly into his seat. He felt exhausted. "Did you like the bar?" He asked.

"It was good…I was actually looking at it for research" Carlos smiled.

"Research?"

"I'm looking to open up my own bar in the near future and thought I'd check out what's around this part of the city." Carlos explained.

"Wow, that's very cool." The pale guy smiled. He had no idea Carlos was the sort of guy who was into business management. That was different.

"Thanks…but don't worry, I won't take all of your trade away." Carlos joked.

"Tell you what, if you become successful and take our customers just give me a job and we'll call it even" Logan half laughed. "It's not the best job I've ever had".

"Deal…what do you do with the other part of your time?" Carlos asked, interested. He'd only had a quick chat or two with Logan and Camille last night at the party and they hadn't really talked about their jobs at all.

"I'm actually studying Medicine at university." Logan told him.

"Woah, awesome…so you're a scientist and a barman? That's pretty epic." Carlos smiled.

"It's something different, I guess" Logan laughed. "Man's gotta work right?"

"Absolutely...well, if I hear of any better jobs around in the bar world, I'll let you know. Or if I ever run my own, I'll make you bar manager!" Carlos smiled.

"I'll hold you to that".

The pair of them chatted easily whilst the cabby drove to their apartments and once they'd paid him and gotten out, all Logan wanted to do was cuddle up to Camille. They climbed the staircase together and once they reached their floor, shook hands easily again with a pat on each other's back.

"Good seeing you again, neighbour" Logan grinned as he found his keys.

"You too, man. Night!" The Latino guy pushed open the door and waved a hand before shutting it behind him.

Logan walked into the dimly lit flat and found Camille and Kendall sprawled out on the two sofas, empty Chinese food boxes and empty wine bottles on the floor in-between them. He smiled. He grabbed a couple of blankets they kept on the edges of the sofas, slid out of his shoes and laid one over his best friend and one over his girlfriend. As they slept peacefully, Logan paced down the hallway didn't bother getting undressed before falling asleep on the bed.

LINE

Carlos thought about how random it had been to bump into Logan like that as he locked the apartment door behind him. He took his smart blazer off and rested it on the sofa before hearing the sounds of little Zoey mumbling through the baby monitor James had left resting on the coffee table.

He quietly paced down the hallway and into James' room to find his flat mate lying comfortably with Scarlett tucked into his side. James looked so calm in his sleep – so unlike his conscious expression of stress, or worry, or distance. And little Scarlett was smiling as she slept and Carlos wondered what she was dreaming about.

He turned around and saw Zoey sitting up in her cot, blabbering but not loud enough to wake her Uncle. Carlos easily picked the little baby up and kissed her forehead. She was the cutest little thing and she had exactly James and Lindsey's hazel brown eyes.

"Go to sleep, little Zoey" Carlos sung so quietly. He looked around and saw James' favourite armchair, a green velvet rickety thing he'd bought at a fair because he like the colour, in the corner of the room. He sat down and laid Zoey on his chest facing him, stroking her fine hair and singing quietly a lullaby.

Carlos smiled as the little girl and himself fell into sleep. They might not be biologically related, but he knew this was his family.


	5. So keep in happiness and torture me

**Hey! Thanks for the reviews. Let me know your thoughts. Cheers! ~hereiamdestroya**

Kendall didn't see James again until the next Wednesday, when he came up the stairs carrying Zoey in a car seat. The little girl was dressed in all pink and James looked mightily fine in just a grey sweatshirt and tight black jeans. Kendall had been about to take the trash down the stairs and outside but stopped in his tracks as soon as he saw the brunette man.

"Kendall…" James smiled easily. "I'm sorry about the other night- about just shutting you off like that. It wasn't cool" the brunette sighed. "Hey, if you wanna come over, we can talk…"

"It's fine, I should be apologising…erm, sure. I'll just take this down." Kendall tried to clear his brain as he went to the bins outside. Was this a different guy altogether? He was being so nice. There was another child? A baby. It must be another niece, Kendall thought as he paced back up to the second floor. He patted down his checked shirt and skinny jeans and ran a hand through his hair.

Knocking on the door, James called him to come in and Kendall was welcomed in to see James in the kitchen, whilst the little girl was sitting in a cot contraption in the living room. He felt kind of awkward as he said "It's just me."

"Would you like a drink?" James asked politely and brought over a couple of beakers of orange juice, setting them down on the coffee table and offering Kendall to sit. He did so, and relaxed back into the sofa.

"So who's this?" Kendall asked, feeling ok enough to make conversation and not expect to be kicked out like the last time. The baby was smiling up at James.

"This…" James pulled the baby out of the cot and rested her on his lap, facing the blonde. "Is my niece." He pushed her dark hair out of her face and held her easily.

"Did she shrink or something?" Kendall only half joked.

James grinned beautifully but shook his head. "No, this little one is Zoey. Scarlett's at a play group."

"She's adorable." Kendall told him, and he wasn't lying. Sure, he didn't like kids, but this one and the other girl were really cute and they were pretty quiet. The baby in front of him only babbled a little and even when Kendall held her hand she didn't make a noise.

"She gets that from me." James laughed, but gently laid Zoey back down in the cot. "So yeah, I just wanted to apologise about the other day. I shouldn't have kissed you and I'm sorry." James looked nervous but Kendall felt more comfortable now that James wasn't being so angry or perplexed with him. He couldn't get over how gorgeous the brunette looked, as he sat up straight, hands clasped together.

"Seriously, I should be the one saying sorry…" Kendall told him, frowning a little. Since when had Kendall become such a sop? He couldn't remember the last time he apologised for anything. But there was something about this young guy – something he couldn't work out and for some reason; he just wanted to impress him. Kendall had kissed so many people before so why did this one feel different?

James, too, wasn't sure what it was that had changed his mind about the whole situation, but after having a few days to think it over, he realised it really wasn't as big of a deal as he was making it. At least he hadn't slept with the guy. It was only a kiss. It meant nothing. But that chemistry James felt instantly with the blonde when he looked into the man's green eyes, or the way the blonde smiled when he interacted with the girls – that definitely couldn't be meaningless, not to James.

* * *

"Hi baby." Camille smiled as Logan opened the door to his apartment for her. Although she had a key she felt more polite to knock, despite both Kendall and Logan's protests. Logan had finished classes early and had come back to the apartment to find the door unlocked and the television on but no sign of Kendall. He must have gotten held up somewhere. But at least he had taken out the trash.

Logan wrapped his arms around the brunette girl and kissed her like he'd done a thousand times before, and pulled her into the apartment in a spin. "Hi gorgeous. How are you?"

Camille kissed him again. "Guess what?"

"You know how much I hate guessing! I don't know…what?" Logan sighed but with a smile. He was happy, as always, to see the love of his life.

"I got the job at Mickelodeon. We start filming in two weeks!" Camille screamed excitedly, before Logan grinned.

"Oh wow, congratulations! Babe, that's fantastic. Come here!" Logan lifted the small woman up and spun her around, kissing her over and over. "We must celebrate!"

"Ok!" She laughed, tears nearly in her eyes. Logan knew how hard she had always worked and now she was finally getting her big break. God, he was so pleased for her. It's one thing to be horribly in love with someone, but it's an entirely different thing when your happiness, is based on their happiness. Logan was so proud of his girl.

"I love you so much." Logan whispered to her. He kept his arms around her; she was his warmth as always.

"I love you more." Camille told him, her soft brown eyes looking up into his. He was all she ever wanted.

* * *

"Wait, you were at Camp Wonky Donkey that year?" Kendall was so surprised. Him and James had ended up talking for an hour or so, realising they had stuff in common – they both loved music with Kendall playing guitar and James playing piano, they were both into guys (clearly) and just now, learning that they had been at the same summer camp in California when they were younger for three years in a row.

"Yes. That stupid place." James laughed, remembering the summers spent there, in the middle of nowhere really. "I used to dread it every year."

"How comes? I always found it kinda fun." Kendall grinned. It was true. Him and his younger sister Katie had always had good summers spent there, playing sports and music and making stuff.

"My sister's a few years older than me and she always used to get to go and stay with her friends in a beach house because she was like eighteen at the time but my mother always made me go to Camp Wonky Donkey and I just hated it. I was so jealous of Lindsey." James half-heartedly laughed before falling silent. He couldn't tell the blonde what was going on – it wasn't his business to know but James sure did feel heavy with it all. He was beyond grateful that he had Carlos, his best friend, to talk to – though he tried to not bother him.

"Ah, I get you." Kendall only slightly noticed the way James' face became a tad morose and tried not to show how he picked up on it – he didn't want to know what was going on.

"Have you got siblings?" James asked, feigning the best smile he could manage. It was so hard to talk about Lindsey and not instantly feel depressed with remembering.

"Yeah, a younger sister Katie. And a half-brother Kallum, but I don't see him much." Kendall explained.

"How comes? If you don't mind me asking?" James inquired.

"My dad thought he was winning by having an affair and Kallum turned out to be his prize." Kendall said without much emotion, except a bit of sarcasm. He tried not to blame Kallum, it really wasn't the sixteen year old's fault. It was the fault of his father's and of his mother's for taking the man back and having another child with him, despite the pain he'd caused her. But Kallum was a constant living reminder of how fucked his family had gotten, and the result of why he didn't talk to his parents at all anymore really. He kept in contact with Katie but she was fourteen and it was difficult.

James thought for a moment, as he watched Kendall do similar until Zoey stirred and babbled again. The brunette picked her up and held her to his chest, kissing her forehead like he often did.

"Anyway, I should probably get going…I'm glad we've cleared at that up." Kendall smiled, standing up straight and waiting for James to put the baby back in the cot to see him out. "Bye Zoey." He smiled, knowing fully well the baby did not care about his leaving. He felt kind of stupid, but oh well, it had made James smile.

The pair walked to the door and Kendall turned around to face the brunette, looking him over again. God, he really was stunning. He knew he shouldn't have done it, but he kissed James on the cheek. He pulled back, biting his lip. The brunette just blushed, before gently putting his palm around the blonde's head and pressing his soft lips to the man's. They kissed for only a few seconds, before James pulled away.

"I'm really sorry." James muttered, in a daze almost.

Kendall just kissed him once again, on the lips and smiled. "I'll…I'll see you later."


	6. while I tell you, Let's go in style

Ok, so kissing Kendall again was definitely not the smartest idea James had ever had but the next time he would see the blonde neighbour, he'd say sorry: again. God, what was wrong with him. James was exhausted, as usual. And getting involved with Kendall really wasn't going to make anything better. The guy seemed flighty.

On Friday, James didn't wake up until midday. It wasn't really healthy, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd slept properly. There were too many bad dreams. Too many dreams, of his brother-in-law, the car crash happening even though James hadn't actually been there to see it. It was all too much.

But once he hauled himself out of bed, he pulled a pair of skinny black jeans on and just a plain blue t-shirt and paced to the open kitchen and turned his laptop on, letting it rest on the island counter. He made a cup of coffee and started to work.

For the past three years, he had been working on his mother's cosmetics business' website page. Mrs Diamond had hired someone to create a page but James had asked her to trust him in developing the website. James loved art and was a good painter and knew he could do a good job, and he didn't need to be home in San Diego to do the work because it was all online, and his mother often travelled to New York for the company affairs. In return, she paid James a salary and it was enough to live on for now. But digital design wasn't his dream and that was another reason why Carlos had agreed to move out to LA with him – they both had dreams they needed to work for.

"You're up early." Carlos laughed as he entered the apartment with a grocery bag in one arm. Of course he knew James wasn't sleeping well, he hadn't for months but he tried his best to keep it somewhat jovial.

"I've got a job to do." James smiled as Carlos came over and put the bag right next to him and started to unpack the fruit on top away.

"We're not having the girls' tonight, are we?" Carlos asked.

"Not on Fridays." James told him, without looking up from the detailed screen.

"Ok…because I just bumped into Logan in the hallway and he's invited us both over for dinner tonight. His girlfriend – Camille – has just got a new job on Mickelodeon and wondered if we fancied celebrating with them. You up for it?" Carlos smiled at the other brunette. He hoped James would want to. His best friend rarely went out lately and he understood why, but Carlos was worried about him and he was kind of glad there were young people, the same age as them, across the hall to make friends with.

James saw the look of hope on his flatmates face and didn't want to disappoint. He'd be able to apologise to Kendall again at least. And Carlos would have a good time. "Ok." He grinned. "Sounds good".

* * *

"So what's the show about, Camille?" Carlos grinned as he sipped the cocktail Kendall had made earlier, and sat next to James on one of the sofas in Kendall and Logan's apartment. The pair had come over at about 8 and had been welcomed in without any awkwardness really. Kendall just smiled across at James and carried on making another punch.

Camille looked gorgeous in a pale pink dress to her knees, and sat easily on the arm of the armchair in which Logan sat. "Well, it's about these four kids from Minnesota who come to LA and get a record deal but they don't get on with their boss and get into all sorts of trouble…I think it's going to be great, you know. And I'm going to play one of the girlfriend's – the characters called Erin" Camille smiled. "But I can't tell you anymore!" She laughed.

The oven beeped and Logan jumped up, making sure the food wasn't burned. "If you guys want to sit down, dinner'll be just a sec!" The brunette boy smiled as he started dishing up, Kendall by his side. "You ok, man?" Logan asked his friend, who was mixing the liquid and fruit in a large bowl.

"I'm great." Kendall smiled back, his green eyes looking only at the brunette who now sat across the table, smiling politely at his host.

* * *

After dinner, they all sat back down on the sofas to relax, apart from Kendall, who went out onto the balcony, tea towel over his shoulder from grabbing out the apple crumble they'd had, and lit up a cigarette, breathing out into the night's sky. He hadn't drunk much at all really, despite making a large concoction – which Carlos and Logan were enjoying very much. Both their cheeks were pink and Camille only laughed as she sat down next to Logan, wrapping an arm around his back so he could cuddle her.

They were adorable but Kendall turned his head back out to the city scape view. He loved LA so much. It was the only place he'd ever wanted to be, the place he was born and raised in. He couldn't ever imagine leaving it.

"Hey Kendall." The sound of James' kind voice interrupted his thoughts but as the man came and stood beside him, arms leaning on the rail, the blonde smiled.

"Hey you." He took another drag before looking at the beautiful man beside him. James looked as stunning tonight as usual. He was only dressed in jeans and a clean t-shirt but he looked a million dollars, apart from the dark circles under his eyes. Maybe he didn't sleep too well. Kendall thought of it as another thing they had in common.

"Kendall, I just wanted to say…sorry, again for kissing you, again…the other day. I literally don't know what I was thinking and I just want to let you know I'm not- I'm not in the right mind to be with someone-" James sighed but Kendall cut him off, feeling embarrassed for the pair of them.

"You don't have to say sorry…again. It's totally fine…It didn't mean anything…we're cool, neighbour." Kendall smiled. He'd never acted this way with a guy he liked before – actually being kind and not a jerk. It came almost easy with James but it never had before. Kendall didn't even care – or that was what he was telling himself.

"We're cool?" James needed reassurance. "You're sure?"

"Absolutely." Before Kendall could dilute the conversation, James' phone rang loudly in his pocket. He excused himself to look out over the view and answer it.

"_James. It's Lindsey."_ Kendall could only just about hear the voice through the phone.

"Are you ok? What's wrong?"

"_I just- I – can you take the girls please? I'm sorry. I know you've probably got plans but- I – I'm not feeling good tonight…Scarlett keeps on running around and- I can't get her to settle down…"_

Kendall could hear the woman cry down the phone and looked away uncomfortably.

"Lindsey. _Lindsey_. Listen to me, its fine, ok. I'll be there in half an hour. Just, make yourself a hot drink ok, and put a film on for Scarlett and I'll be there as soon as I can. They can stay at mine tonight." James comforted her as best he could before saying bye and turning to look apologetically at Kendall.

"I'm really sorry, but I have an emergency…I have to go and pick up my nieces." James told him, going back into the living room. Kendall threw the cigarette out and followed the man back inside.

Carlos had had another cocktail and so even if James was going to ask him to come, he didn't – he just told him he had to go and get the girls. He apologised to Camille and Logan and said thanks for having him before heading to the front door.

"Wait- wait up." Kendall called as the two of them left the apartment, the door shutting softly behind them. "Let me come with you."

"No, no. It's fine." James dismissed him and headed for the staircase.

"James, I couldn't help over hear. Please, let me come with. I can help you." Kendall pleaded, not even knowing why he wanted to go. IT was something in that desperate look of the brunette's once he finished the phone call. Kendall could tell he was scared and a bit sad, as if he'd had to do stuff like this before. Kendall just wanted to help him.

* * *

James and Kendall sat in the front of James' car and sped down the motorway to Long Beach. Kendall looked over the man, a look of determination in his eyes. He had no idea what was going on in James' family and he didn't want to pry, but there clearly was something serious happening.

"Is your sister ok?" Kendall asked quietly, just audible over the hum of the engine.

James flickered a glance to his passenger. "She's…she's just got a lot going on right now."

That was all James said for the rest of the journey until they pulled up outside a nice peach painted house, parking in the driveway. James jumped out as soon as he killed the engine and Kendall followed him up the driveway, a couple of steps behind. James pulled out his spare key and knocked twice before going in, himself.

Inside, as Kendall followed him in, was Lindsey, standing and holding a crying Zoey in her arms, swaying her to and fro, trying to calm her. She had her back to them and was in a pale blue dressing gown. "Scarlett would you _please_ stop running!" The brunette woman called as Scarlett, the four year old in her pyjamas came running through the living room.

"Uncle James!" She smiled widely as she ran up to him and he kissed her head. "Kendall!" Kendall ruffled the little girl's hair.

Lindsey turned around, with tears down her cheeks, and saw the two men standing there. "I can't get her to stop crying." The woman who was the spitting image of her brother snivelled. Kendall instantly felt sympathy for her. James paced over and wrapped his arm around the woman, cooing her to stop crying and once she managed to rein it back, he took hold of the little baby and started talking softly to her. She calmed down quite a lot when he did that, until eventually she made hardly any sound at all.

"I'm so sorry for calling. I can see you were busy." Lindsey smiled sadly. She looked so gaunt and tired and Kendall wondered what the hell was going on. Of course, he knew having kids was difficult, but he was pretty sure people weren't supposed to look as exhausted as the woman in front of him. "I'm sorry."

"Lindsey, don't be silly. I told you to call whenever…this is my friend, Kendall." James laid Zoey in her basket seat which was on the floor of the messy room where toys laid everywhere. James kissed the woman's forehead.

"Hi…" Lindsey tried to smile up at him and he did his best to smile back, but he knew she was incredibly tired and probably didn't really care about making an acquaintance.

James gathered up the girls' stuff and packed an overnight bag for them, before strapping Zoey into a car seat. Kendall did his best to help and told Scarlett to sit down so he could do her shoes up for her. God, she had tiny feet. Kendall wondered if this was genuinely how small all kids were.

"Scar, say bye to mummy. You're going to stay with me tonight, ok, sweetheart?" James smiled down at the little girl. Scarlett ran over to her mum and Lindsey hugged her tightly before letting her go. "Kendall, can you just stay here with the girls' for a second?"

As soon as Kendall nodded, James led Lindsey up the stair case and to her room, tucking her gently in her bed despite her consistent asking him if everything was ok and sorry and thank you. James kissed her head again softly and left her to sleep, if she could. God knows she needed it.

They clambered into the car after locking the front door behind them and James fitted the car seat with a now sleeping Zoey in, into the back seat. Scarlett however, was still awake, even at half ten as they started to drive back. She insisted on wanting to sit with Kendall, her new friend, but James was stern as he buckled her into the seat next to her little sister.

It didn't take long before the motion of the car and the dark night's sky outside sent Scarlett into a sleep and James checked in the rear view mirror to make sure she was ok.

"Thank you" James started once they saw the sign for Los Angeles. "For helping out back there…My sister's…not coping too well at the moment."

Kendall could feel a crack in James' voice and sensed his heavy tone. He didn't know what to ask really, but he had to say something. James could almost sense this and so he started to try and explain.

"Lindsey's husband – Shiloh- he was my best friend, other than Carlos of course. But, the guy was a part of our family…when my parents divorced, they both threw themselves into their work, you know, so it was basically just me and Lindsey, and Shiloh…He was the nicest guy, and he looked after us…They were childhood sweethearts…and they got married, had the girls…were living a totally normal life…and then one day, four months ago…Shi goes out in his car and he doesn't come home again…Collides front on with another car – both are wrecked but the people into the other car survive…a few cuts and bruises, but Shiloh- Shiloh dies on impact. Just like that. Gone. And suddenly, I've lost my friend, Lindsey's lost her husband and Scarlett and Zoey are never going to see their father again…Just. Like. That."

James did his absolute best not to cry, especially not in front of Kendall, but talking about it, he couldn't stop himself. Kendall wore an expression of absolute sadness. He couldn't even imagine the pain James must have been going through. But actually, he did. He knew what it was like to lose his loved one, without getting a chance to say goodbye. Kendall knew that pain exactly.

"Pull over, James." The brunette did so without arguing and pulled into a layby, checking again on the girls before he got out of the car and Kendall did similar. Kendall walked around the side of the car and pulled James into a hug, letting the brunette cry into the crook of his neck. He'd not had someone have this amount of trust in him for a while. Maybe Kendall had been selfish. Maybe not everything was about him and he wasn't the only one dealing with ghosts. Maybe, the point of his existence was to feel something, to feel empathy and sympathy not for himself, but for someone like the man holding onto him – for someone like James.


	7. A million hooks around

Carlos, Logan and Camille were still laughing and chatting and considerably more drunk by the time James and Kendall had bought the girls' back so Kendall offered to help James put them to bed, laying Zoey down in the cot in James' room and laying Scarlett down like normal, in her Uncle's bed.

"Shall I make you a hot drink?" Kendall asked as they shut the door quietly and paced back to the kitchen and living room. James was dry eyed now and felt a little embarrassed at crying in front of the guy he'd only known for a week, but for some reason he couldn't explain, there was a sense of comfort he managed to find in the blonde.

Kendall put the kettle on and grabbed a couple of mugs and found a jar of hot chocolate. James had lied down on the sofa and when Kendall looked over at him; the brunette was fast asleep, obviously worn out from the emotional outburst. Kendall smiled at the sight of him, and not feeling like interrupting his friends across the hall, sat down beside James and leaned on the man for comfort, before falling into sleep himself.

* * *

When Carlos eventually woke up the next day, he felt completely disorientated. The sunlight was shining through the windows but he definitely was not in his and James' apartment. He looked around and remembered he was in Kendall and Logan's place and must've fallen asleep on their couch. He laughed as he stood up and stretched. The apartment was quiet but as he looked around to the dining table he saw Camille and another brunette girl who was tanned and wearing jeans and a checked shirt. Both women laughed when Carlos realised he had company but Camille encouraged him to sit at the table with them.

"Morning Carlos! You looked so peaceful, we didn't want to wake you. How are you feeling?" Camille laughed, obviously remembering a lot more of last night than the Latino man did.

"Pretty shocking." He grinned. "Which means it was a good night. Thanks for putting me up!"

"No worries." She smiled. "Oh, this is my best friend Lucy…we're heading out to grab some lunch in a minute with Logan once he's ready, if you feel like joining us?"

Lucy was stunning, like actually stunning and Carlos couldn't take his eyes off her. She had beautiful hazel brown eyes and a few red streaks in her dark brown hair.

"Sure. I'd love to. I'm just going to go change my clothes." He explained, moving towards the door. "See you in just a sec."

Carlos ran across the corridor and into the apartment only to find Kendall and James snuggled up to each other on the sofa, both sound asleep. He didn't know what to make of it – of course it was cute but, what had happened last night? Carlos decided not to worry about it right now and hurried along to his room to get changed. He threw on clean jeans and a white polo shirt before heading back to the apartment opposite; being careful not to wake the two intertwined sleeping men.

Logan, Camille and Lucy all stood outside the front door and Logan looked as bad as Carlos felt. The two guys laughed and easily shook hands before they all went downstairs. He was glad he was making friends with the neighbours. They seemed really nice and that was just what he felt himself and James needed – a fresh start.

* * *

James woke up as soon as he heard Zoey's babbling through the baby monitor, but he soon realised he couldn't get up because a body was leaning on him and looked down to find Kendall asleep on him. The blonde looked so angelic and James wondered whether this guy could ever possibly be the cocky and confident man he had met only last week. Could someone really be interchangeable like that? He was surprised when the blonde had offered to come to Lindsey's house with him but he had appreciated the company.

James was always scared when he pulled up at his sister's house – never sure of the situation he would enter into, so it was comforting to have someone alongside him, someone untouchable almost like Kendall.

He lifted himself out underneath from the blonde and stretched as he stood before pacing down the hallway to his room where his nieces slept. Kendall felt the warmth disappear and momentarily forgot he had fallen asleep in the other apartment.

He looked around and before he could get up he heard James' voice through the baby monitor on the coffee table. "_Zoey, sweetheart. It's okay, I'm here now…Uncle James loves you, Zoey."_

Kendall felt a swell of emotion in him. How could anyone love another human being so much so that you could hear it in their voice? He had never experienced that and he told himself he never would. He cringed as soon as he found himself smiling over the brunette.

No…this was not what he needed. Kendall needed to leave. He stood up, pushed his hair back and was about to head for the door when he heard James' footsteps and looked up to see the brunette holding the little girl in his arms.

"Good morning" James tried to smile that Hollywood smile but Kendall could see how exhausted the man was in the dark circles under his eyes. He wasn't fooling anyone, and he certainly wasn't fooling Kendall.

"Hey…" Kendall grimaced. "How are you?"

"I'm ok thanks. Listen, thanks a lot for last night…for helping out with the girls. I really appreciated it." James told him. He wanted Kendall to know he meant it, that he was genuine.

"No worries at all. I've got to go but I'll see you later, ok." Kendall said, backing his way out of the apartment and shutting the door before James really even had a chance to say goodbye.

Kendall all but ran back across the hall and into his own apartment to find it completely empty, the plates of leftovers from last night's dinner and a few bottles of half-drunk alcohol on the table. Clearly his friends had had a good night once he'd left.

He went to the bathroom and locked it enough though there was no chance of him being interrupted and ran the water in the sink, splashing it across his face. He knew he was going to have a panic attack. His body always did the job of making him feel a certain uneasiness – a sign to tell him he was about to panic. And he let the anxiety do what it wanted to do. He tried to breathe through it. He couldn't stop the sobbing it caused. He often cried as a reaction to panicking, it was nothing unusual for him.

After twenty five minutes, he eventually left the bathroom and found his pack of cigarettes and lit one up as soon as he was on the balcony outside. Nobody could ever need him. Not like that. He could not get that close to someone again and fuck it up. He could not disappoint someone like that again. Nobody could ever need him again.

* * *

"Well, they seem to have gotten on well." Logan smiled as Camille drove him back to the apartment block. Carlos and Lucy had barely noticed the lovers' exiting even when they said bye. They were chatting away and really only had eyes for each other at lunch.

"Definitely. It's weird how some people just click like that, straight away. Although it was like that for us, I guess." Camille agreed, taking the turning for the Palmwoods block.

Logan thought back to when he and Camille had met. It had been a mutual friend's birthday gathering and he had fallen in love with her the moment he saw her, standing there in her glasses, only just seventeen, smart and beautiful and funny as he was about to find out. That had been three years ago and he had never stopped feeling the same amount of love for her. Only now, he wanted to tell every stranger about the way she laughs at old comedies and is so sexy but still wants to wear a retainer when she goes to bed and the way she bakes bread when it's three in the morning and she's sad. He didn't ever want to stop talking about her.

He looked over at her then, her eyes alert on the road, her breathing easy and a natural smile on her face like always. She pulled into a parking space and turned off the engine, catching only then the way Logan was gazing at her – as if she was as priceless as a ruby.

"I _love_ you." Logan told her quietly. He didn't need to hear it back; he just needed her to know that.

"I love you too, baby." The woman grinned and leant across to kiss him on the lips.

Like always, Logan was lost in love.

* * *

"And where have you been, pray tell?" James laughed as Carlos traipsed through the front door at gone six that afternoon. The brunette was sat on the sofa overlooking Scarlett who sat on the floor, a colouring book on the coffee table in front of her. Zoey was on the sofa next to her Uncle, playing with one of her dollies.

"Well, I went out with Logan and Camille and their friend and kind of ended up hanging out with their friend all afternoon…" Carlos explained. "Hey mijas."

Scarlett looked up at him and smiled her precious smile. "Hi Uncle Carlos".

"I see…" James smirked. "And what were they like?"

"She was…amazing. Like, so beautiful and she was so ballsy. Like you could tell she wouldn't take any shit from anybody."

"Carlos! Don't say stuff like that in front of the girls, dude." James cawed, covering the ears of Scarlett who was the only one paying attention to the Latino; Zoey was far too occupied by her doll. Scarlett simply smiled up at the pair of them and Carlos laughed an apology.

For a twenty year old, James sure was strict sometimes and Carlos knew it was just his way of dealing with the responsibility the young guy had. He knew James never saw looking after his nieces at least four/five days out of the week as a chore, but it really wasn't the best way to live and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen James paint something or write a song.

He was worried about his best friend. But thinking about it, it had only been four months since everything had changed for the brunette. Things had to get better for him and his family – they had to.


	8. A million ways to die

Kendall had managed to avoid James for a week now; looking out of the door's peephole to make sure the brunette wasn't out there when he needed to leave the apartment. He was so confused. Such a mixture of thoughts was going through his mind. He couldn't get close to the guy. He'd ended up sleeping next to him for god's sake. No, he would be nice to him, he would help him if he really needed it, but he could not be what James wanted. He was unreliable and he wanted to stay that way.

And now, on a Friday afternoon, just as Logan had gotten in from uni the doorbell rang again. Kendall was lying on the sofa watching reruns of Frasier but when Logan announced it was James at the door he tried to scramble his way to his room.

"Not so fast!" Logan called after him as he opened the door widely. "Hey James!"

"Hey Logan." James smiled politely. Logan hadn't spent a lot of time so far talking to Carlos' best friend who stood in front of him in tight jeans and a grey t-shirt but he seemed nice enough.

"Come on in." Logan smiled opening the door wider.

"Thanks. I was just wondering if Kendall was in."

"He's in his room – straight down the hall and to the left." Logan informed him.

James knocked on the door but when he got no answer he let himself in to discover the messiest room he'd ever laid eyes on. And sitting on the bed was a dishevelled Kendall, apparently reading a book.

"Hey, sorry to bother you." James started as he looked over the beautiful blonde man in front of him. "I think you left this in my car. It must've fallen out of your pocket." He handed him a post box key that definitely didn't belong to him.

"Oh, thanks. I've been looking for this." Kendall said, taking it from him, ignoring the electricity he was feeling run through his body at the sight and feel of James.

"No worries. How are you? I haven't seen you in a while." The brunette asked kindly.

"I'm great thanks. How are you? How's your family?" Kendall replied, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed.

"We're doing ok, thanks. Scarlett asked where you were the other day." James smiled. The little girl had become fond of him.

Kendall laughed a little but was kind of shocked. He really did not like kids all that much but James' nieces were sweet and he felt pretty damn sorry for them. James looked around Kendall's room, ignoring the mess of clothes strewn everywhere and empty plates and a pair of block boxers briefs that were right by his own feet, he saw an Incubus poster.

"You're into Incubus?" James grinned.

"They're my favourite band." Kendall smiled as he got up and walked over to where James stood. "You're into them too?"

"I love them." James told him. "I often listen to them when I'm painting."

Kendall looked over at the tall brunette who was so attractive Kendall almost couldn't stand it. He just looked up at the poster. "You paint?"

"Yeah. I was at art school but you know, shit happens… and I had to leave but yeah, it's what I do. I'm a painter." James smiled.

"That's pretty cool." Kendall said impressed. Come to think of it, he had seen a few canvases lined up in his and Carlos' apartment but he'd had no idea they were James'.

James just smiled. "I better go. Catch you later." He turned to leave but Kendall grabbed his wrist.

"James I…I hope you're ok." Kendall said quietly, before pulling the man into a hug.

He didn't know how it happened, but a second later the two young guys were kissing, hot lips on hot lips. It didn't last long before they both pulled away, not knowing which one had initiated it.

"I'm sorry-"

"Sorry-"

They both spoke at the same time before Kendall stepped back, giving them some space.

"I think you should go." Kendall told him and James did exactly as he was told, shutting the door behind him as he left. Kendall sat back down on the bed, the breath taken out of him. Why did this keep on happening? He felt exhausted even though he hadn't done anything all day. He lay back down, needing a drink.

* * *

"And then you guys kissed again?" Carlos asked loudly as him and James pushed a trolley down the fruit and vegetable aisle. They had no food in the flat and decided it would be a good time to go shopping.

"Can you keep your voice down please?!" James whispered harshly and punched Carlos' arm whilst still moving the cart. "Yes, then he told me to leave…"

"God, wow…ok…so you like him then?" Carlos asked. He could barely control himself. This was the first time in four months that James had spoken about anyone he was interested and Carlos was so glad his best friend had something other than the pain to focus his mind on. And Kendall seemed ok, and from what James had told him about all the stuff with picking up the girls and that, until what had happened today, he guessed, made him sound genuinely nice.

"No…I…"

"Come off it Jay, I know you too well for you to lie to me…I found you guys sleeping together on the couch the other day too." Carlos laughed.

"It's…no…I don't know. Hey grab some strawberries off that shelf. They're Scarlett's favourite." James ran a hand through his growing locks and sighed.

"Look, you should just see if he feels the same way – which I'm pretty fucking certain he does from what you've told me – and then go from there. You guys need to talk it out." Carlos advised him, putting the fruit in the trolley.

"No, it's really fine…I don't like him that much. It's just complicated. It doesn't matter." James insisted as they turned the corner. "Anyway, are you going out with Lucy again?"

Carlos grinned widely as he said "I'm actually taking her out tonight for a meal. But she works late so we're not meeting until nine. I can't wait."

* * *

"Where's Kendall tonight then?" Camille asked as she grabbed two bottles of beer from the fridge and sat down on the sofa with Logan. She'd finished pre-production at seven and had gone straight over to Logan's place. It was comfortable there. It was home.

"He told me he was going to Isla's." Isla's was probably Kendall's favourite bar and was just around the corner so when it was messy at the end of the night, he never had to worry about getting a cab home. He had gone early but Logan and Camille both knew he'd be back late.

"Ok." Camille said simply. "I'm worried about him."

"So am I. He's been refusing to see his counsellor the last few weeks. I don't know what to do because I can't force him to go. He's a grown man." Logan sighed. He truly was worried about his best friend but he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what could make him happy. Logan knew the panic attacks were as bad as ever despite Kendall trying to persuade him they weren't.

Camille kissed the man's cheek when she saw him thinking about it all. "He's going to be ok. He's got us."

He didn't say it but Logan wondered if they really were enough for him. Maybe he needed something more – someone more.

* * *

"Have fun dude!" James had smiled and shook Carlos's hand loosely before the smaller man had left the apartment. He had looked all smart in a shirt and blazer and freshly shaven. James was glad he was going out and having fun.

And now an hour later, James was happily sitting on the sofa, his laptop on the table, glasses on and was catching up on the latest episode of Game of Thrones. It was nice to be able to be alone once in a while, when he wasn't busy with the girls. He had rung Lindsey earlier and she seemed to be in the best mood possible in the circumstances. She was having a friend and her children over that evening so James was content that they were ok.

He had a cup of coffee next to him and was comfortable in just his skinny jeans and a big jumper and got through a couple of episodes before getting up to stretch his legs. He noticed he still needed to move the canvases from the living room into his bedroom and realised he had not painted in a long time. Too long.

With a sudden burst of enthusiasm that he hadn't managed to find in months, he grabbed the easel from his room and placed it in the living room, setting up a new canvas and rifled through one of the cabinets to find his equipment.

For the first time in a while, he felt excited, he felt alive. He didn't feel tired at all.

* * *

Kendall had turned up at Isla's but as soon as he went inside he wanted to leave. It just didn't feel right now. He'd thought all he wanted to do was get absolutely wasted and go home with a hot stranger, but now he was there, that was the last thing he wanted.

He started walking around the streets he knew like the back of his hand and ended up at the old cinema he used to go to when he was a kid. Every Saturday morning he'd go with his friends to see cartoons or whatever, but as he'd gotten older, he eventually stopped going there. It was a little run down but now showed some foreign films. He bought a ticket for a French film and stayed in his seat long after the film had finished.

He liked being alone sometimes. He liked listening to people without having to pay attention to what they were saying. But now, all he could think of was James. He needed to talk to him though he didn't know what he wanted to say.

When his phone showed it was ten o'clock, he made his way back to the apartment and headed up to his floor, taking the stairs two at a time. He hesitated knocking on James and Carlos' door and almost crossed the hall to go to his own flat but found the balls to knock.

"It's open!" He heard James call. Kendall opened the door but was not prepared in the slightest for the view he would come face to face with. James stood in the middle of the living area, only in a pair of black skinny jeans. He was shirtless, barefoot and wearing his glasses, his hair messy, standing at an easel with paint all on his face and hands. He looked a little out of breath, as if he couldn't stop moving. He was perfect.

"Kendall." James smiled. God, Kendall loved that smile.

"Hey, sorry – you're busy."

"No, no. I'm not. Come in." James put his oil paint pallet down and moved towards the blonde. "I was just…I'm sorry about earlier."

Kendall felt like he had no control over his body as he walked over to the brunette and when he put a palm up to the man's cheek and he didn't move, whispered "We need to stop saying sorry for things we're not sorry for." And with that, he smashed his lips onto the brunette's.

Kendall couldn't help himself; he moved his hands to the muscled torso of James as he touched tongues with him. It was erratic and messy and hot and Kendall didn't ever want to stop. And neither did James. He felt so free as soon as he started painting, using his whole body to create something beautiful and now he was doing the same with the most attractive man he'd ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. He wanted all of him in this moment. Every part of him. It was as if he was drunk. He wasn't controlling anything and that in itself was a freedom of sorts.

Kendall began kissing James' neck, forming love bites on his perfect skin. He eased James down gently onto the sofa and climbed on top of him, kissing him, touching his chest and wanting to touch more of him.

James moaned. His jeans had tightened at the front under the feel of Kendall all over him. God, this was a bad idea but he couldn't stop himself. He didn't want to think. "Take off your shirt." James ordered. Kendall did as he said; kissed his lips once more before stretching up and pulling off his jacket and t-shirt and throwing them on the floor. James looked so hot in glasses; Kendall just wanted him to fuck him. He would do whatever the man wanted.

James pulled him closer and kissed his chest, up to his neck and then his lips. The blonde man was making him crazy. "Are you…sure about this?" Kendall asked, looking into James' hazel brown eyes which looked wild now.

"Yes. Are you?" James breathed. He was getting so frustrated. It had been a long time since somebody else had done this to his body.

"It's just a…one-time thing right." It pained Kendall to say it but he said it anyway. "It doesn't mean anything."

James didn't know what to say back to that. His mind was all over the place but his body was begging for it. "It means nothing."

Kendall stood up and unzipped James' trousers for him, pulling the skinny jeans off his legs and leaving him in just grey boxer briefs, his erection huge. Kendall felt his body jolt. He knelt down on the floor in front of James and pulled the man to the edge of it before palming him through the material.

James whimpered and had to hold Kendall's shoulders to keep him up right. The blonde smiled, happy with what he could do to him. He couldn't resist it anymore and quickly released James' dick from his underwear, pulling the material down to his ankles. James' eight inches were fully erect now and Kendall wasted no time before wrapping his hands around it and started to move them up and down.

"Ahhh" James exclaimed. "Uh" He stayed still for a moment, remembering how good it felt to be inside of someone like this. Kendall made him remember as he swirled his tongue up and down James's shaft, causing the man to shiver, and then put his mouth over it, filling himself with the warm member.

James wanted to die. He was sweaty, covered in paint and now holding onto Kendall's hair, gently moving the blonde so he could feel more of the man's mouth on him. He thrust his hips up and Kendall could take what he could before pulling back and smiling up at James, his green eyes alight. He wanted to make James feel good. He went back and took James in his mouth again, and he loved it. He looked up at James' face, screwed up in ecstasy, eyes closed behind his glasses, head now thrown back a little as his hips rocked back and forth.

For the first time in Kendall's life, he wanted to do something for someone else with nothing in return.

He hummed around James and with a few licks and the hollowing of his cheeks, James was cumming. His entire body shook as he thrust up once more before lying back on the sofa, trying to breathe. Of course it had turned Kendall on like nothing ever quite had done before but he really just wanted James to have fun. That was enough for him. He swallowed what he could before pulling James' underwear back onto him and sitting down next to him. As he wiped his mouth, Kendall saw the most beautiful sight – James was smiling so widely, in so much pleasure and he was looking up at Kendall. Kendall felt his heart pounding at the fact that he had made someone so happy.

James lifted himself up a little to softly kiss Kendall's lips. A hand went to the man's buckle but Kendall stopped him. "I just wanted to make you happy."

James look happily exhausted and fell back easily onto the cushions. "Thank you" He smiled like an angel. Kendall pulled the man's legs up so they were across his waist and sat back, grabbing the blanket on the back of the sofa and laying it across the man.

"Hey, go to sleep now…it's ok. You're safe." James heard Kendall say but he was already in such a peaceful state he just shut his eyes and grinned, not bothering to take off his glasses. Maybe that was what James never realised he needed – he needed to feel safe. And in this guy's company, right there and then, that was how he felt.


End file.
